Harry Potter and the Karaoke Kompetition
by heyjupiter
Summary: Silly, silly fic.


Harry Potter and the Karaoke Kompetition   
by heyjupiter/Renata of Doom (renata@frowl.org)   
Summary: Silly, silly fun.   
PG   
Archive: Sure, just let me know. renata@frowl.org   
Notes: Originally published on FFN a couple years back under the name rubberducky, but I've since deleted that account. I'm not a R/H shipper, nor do I think Harry is that girly. But you know, it was just fun to write. Definitely not the strongest example of my writing. At all. But I'm re-posting it because I still find it vaguely entertaining, which is more than I can say for most of my earlier fics.   
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were huddled in a corner of the Gryffindor common room. They were trying to think of ideas for the upcoming 345th annual Hogwarts Karaoke Kompetition (tm).   
  
"How about I Will Survive? I love that song," said Harry. Ron and Hermione blinked at him for a minute, and then Ron said, "Um, no."   
Hermione suggested, "Why don't we do Take Me Or Leave Me?"   
.*.   
The author smiled happily because she had cleverly inserted a _Rent_ reference.   
.*.   
Ron and Harry looked confused. Hermione glared and snapped, "Haven't you guys read _Hogwarts, A History_?"   
Ron rolled his eyes and said, "If I had a sickle for everytime you said that, I'd be richer than Malfoy. And his little elf too!"   
Harry suggested, "How about Dancing Queen?" Fortunately, Ron and Hermione turned it down. They also turned down Spice Up Your Life, Barbie Girl, Ironic, 32 Flavors, All I Wanna Do, My Heart Will Go On, You Were Meant For Me, and Material Girl.   
"You guys are sooo mean", sulked Harry. "I don't hear you guys coming up with any great ideas."   
"Well, according to _Hogwarts, A History_--"   
Ron interrupted, "What _is_ it with you and that book?"   
Hermione politely ignored him and continued, "Last year's winner sang Tubthumper by Chumbawamba, maybe we could--"   
"No way," said Harry and Ron simultaneously.   
"Hmph. Well. You're the only one who hasn't suggested anything, so what do you think we should do, Ron?" asked Hermione.   
Ron was daydreaming about Hermione, and muttered, "You're the one that I want..."   
Harry perked up and said, "I love Grease!"   
"Me too!" exclaimed Hermione.   
"Huh?" asked a dazed Ron.   
"You're the one that I want, ooo ooo ooo honey!" sang Harry, in an eerily accurate falsetto. Ron and Hermione edged away nervously.   
Hermione said, "Uhm, Harry, I'll take the female part, okay?"   
"Oh, fine, have it your way," Harry grumbled.   
.*.   
The next day at breakfast, Hermione leaned over and whispered to Harry and Ron, "Bad news, Malfoy, Goyle, and Crabbe just signed up for the Karaoke Kompetition!"   
"Oh no, don't tell me they're singing Greased Lightning or something cheesy like that," groaned Ron.   
"Don't be stupid!" Hermione snapped. "They're singing I Want It That Way."   
Harry perked up and said, "I love that song!"   
"Why does this not surprise me?" mumbled Ron.   
Abruptly, Harry said "You guys all know how to hand jive, right?"   
"Oh God," Hermione muttered.   
.*.   
The author fast-forwarded to the day of the Karaoke Kompetition,because she is a lazy, lazy girl.   
.*.   
Harry squeaked, "I'm soooo nervous! Does my hair look okay?"   
"You're going for the 50's greaser look, right?" asked Hermione.   
"... No," Harry replied.   
Hermione blushed and said "Oh, um... yeah, real, real good then."   
"You guys, I'm so nervous, I just know I'm going to forget the words or, or, I don't know! I just don't know!" exclaimed Harry.   
Ron blinked. "So, facing You-Know-Who, dragons, dementors, and whatnot doesn't bother youÂ… but karaoke does?"   
"Yeah, so?" Harry asked.   
Hermione came running up to them, calling "You guys, we're up! It's our turn!"   
Unfortunately, Harry had fainted.   
Ron moaned, "Great, just great! What are we supposed to do now?"   
.*.   
The author blinked. "This story is really stupid," she thought to herself. "Oh well," she reasoned, "So is everything else I write."   
.*.   
"The show must go on! We'll just have to do it without Harry, I mean, there are three of us," Hermione said.   
"Oh yeah, duh," said Ron.   
.*.   
The disgruntled ten-year old reading this became upset that there wasn't going to be any angst, and angrily went to look for a better story.   
.*.   
Hermione and Ron walked out onstage. The music started, and they began to sing. Oddly enough, their performance was great, and nobody attempted to sabotage their performance, not even Malfoy or one of the evil teachers Hogwarts seems to attract. This was probably because Harry was still blacked out in the greenroom, and no one really cares about Ron or Hermione.   
"We did great!" Ron whispered.   
"Let's just wait for the judges, okay?" Hermione whispered back.   
The first judge was Captain Planet. He was in a bad mood because he had found out how many trees were cut down in order to print _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_. "Um, I give you a 2 out of 10. Remember kids, the power is yours!"   
"A two?!?!" hissed an enraged Hermione. "A TWO!" Hermione had never gotten a 2 out of 10 on anything. She couldn't quite handle it. She pulled out her wand, and before anyone could do anything about it, a huge black snake flew out the end of it, and attacked Captain Planet.   
.*.   
"A snake?" thinks the reader. "Oooh, I just know Harry is going to wake up and speak Parseltongue!"   
.*.   
"Aw, look, it's an endangered black mamba snake! Isn't it cute? "cooed Captain Planet. "I think I'll raise your score to a 10!"   
"Much better," whispered a satisfied Hermione.   
The second judge turned out to be a typical fic-writer, the type who tries to work in angst over someone's broken nail, and always reviews this author's works negatively. "Well, I felt you should have showed the emotion of the characters, you know? I mean, how does Hermione feel about Ron? How does Harry feel about his parents' death? How does Harry feel about Cho? Why isn't Cho in this story? Harry and Cho should have done a duet, that would have made for a good story. And furthermore, why wasn't Malfoy in this story? Maybe you could have written a Ron/Malfoy slash, ooh, that would be really angsty! Hey, maybe I should write one of those! Oh, um, anyway... 0 out of 10."   
That was just too much for Hermione. She burst into tears. Ron handed her a Kleenex. "Thanks, Ron," she sniffled.   
The fic-writer's mouth dropped open. "This is what I'm talking about! See how that sweetly understated gesture totally summarized their feelings for each other, awww! Did I say 0? I meant 10!"   
.*.   
The reader suddenly felt very mocked.   
.*.   
The author deleted 457 angry letters.   
.*.   
Hermione smiled.   
The third judge was Ben Stein, the author's hero. "Have any of you ever won MY Ben Stein's money?" he asked.   
"No," said Ron and Hermione. "Oh, all right then, I give you a 10," he said in his trademark monotone.   
Beaming, Ron and Hermione ran offstage.   
"Hey, Harry, Harry wake up!" Ron shouted.   
Harry blinked, and muttered something that sounded vaguely like "Whaa?"   
"We won! We got a perfect score!"   
"Oh...thassgood," he mumbled, "Let's go amble about aimlessly, shall we?"   
And so they did.   
  
--_fin_   
  



End file.
